Spring

There is something about spring where I feel rejuvenated, ready to start something big, huge and go at it with full force.

Health has been top notch so I really am feeling invincible.

This amazing weather is just making me want to spend every second that I can outside.

Spring has me constantly thinking about little babies, gardens & the Gosple.

At the end of February my sister had her first baby, Jackson Glenn Lafortune

And he is perfect in every way. I love holding little babies, and am I the only one who thinks they smell amazing?!

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I had the opportunity to take pictures of him, but really, how perfect is he?!

I got hooked into the FitBit craze, I just constantly want to run or walk now! (Pretty sure Shane is going nuts!)

So with all this nice weather, exercise has been constantly on my mind, I’ve been doing cardio regularly (doctors orders)

I love it though, I love running, biking, dancing, lifting…all of it to get my blood flowing.

I’m way sad because I’ve put two huge things on the back burner…Yoga & My Blog.

With work being as insane as it is, I feel like my days are: Work-out, get ready, work, eat & workout, sleep

BALANCING EVERYTHING IS HARD

So a minute that I get to squeeze in some writing is a huge success

Last week being Easter and this weekend being Conference I’ve been on Gospel overload

I really wish everything I’ve heard or any thought that came into my head was somehow saved perfectly

“Keep trying, keep trusting, keep believing, keep growing.

Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow and forever.” -Jeffery R. Holland

They all seemed to have a theme, Heavenly Father loves us and wants us on the right track, he will never leave you & will always be there to help you back up when you ask for it.

Families are forever, they are so important; always keep the Temple in your sight.

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(I’ll try to compose another post about Conference later)

For now, please enjoy the days we have good weather, enjoy the beautiful natures, the sweet smell of flowers & remember that somebody loves you

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10 Reasons To Love Shane

Shane & I were married on October 10, 2014

I absolutely haven fallen in love with Shane over and over again this past year

TEN REASONS TO LOVE SHANE

1. He’s a hard worker & problem solver, he’s constantly coming up with new ways to make his business better

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Shane’s Business, REFRESH Window & Car Detailing

2. He knows how to make amazing food, even when we haven’t gone to the store in weeks, he manages to find things around the kitchen & make something amazing

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Shane mastered making Sushi

3. He absolutely loves hands on projects, he always has a side project going and he won’t stop until the project is done

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Custom Grips, one of the first projects I saw Shane do from start to finish

4. He constantly calls me on the phone, he loves to talk, sharing his latest ideas, about the job he’s working on, or something exciting that happened to him today

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All Laughs

5. He loves to laugh & makes other people laugh, I can always count on him to cheer me up

6. He knows how to clean things very well, when Shane is done our bathroom & kitchen are spotless

7. He seems to always know exactly what he wants. Not only that, but he goes for it 100%

8. He lets me be me. Whether I’m happy, mad, sad, angry, frustrated, indecisive, moody or just being silly, I know that he loves me unconditionally

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Twenty One Pilots Concert

9. His hand-eye coordination blows my mind. I don’t really know how to explain this one, but if you just sit back & watch him for a minuet he’s bound to be throwing or catching something in some insane way & I just get memorized by it  (really shouldn’t be but I am..)

10. He gets me out of my comfort zone, he’s always wanting to teach me something new, he loves to teach & loves seeing me try new things

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California Kisses

I’ve learned so much in just this first year of being married,  & I’ve loved every second of it

I’ve gone through some of the toughest trials but the best thing is that I’m not doing them alone,

I have Shane.

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Update Heart Rate ♥

I felt like I needed to give everyone an update, I apologize for not taking the time to let everyone know my circumstances day to day. Hopefully this post will make a little more sense.

 More & more doctor appointments seem to rule out more & more conclusions.

I finally got in to see my Cardiologist on July 13th. That’s when he concluded that my ultra-sound on my heart had most likely been measured wrong. These results were taken about two weeks before & that’s where we had received the information about my enlarged heart & prolapsed valve.

Together we went over my heart monitor & he could see exactly where I had passed out, but there were no extra heart beats recorded therefore he ruled out an arithmetic heart beat.

Since I had been going through phases of pain throughout my body & since I had high counts of enzymes that could be caused by blood clots, he decided it would be best for me to get an ultra sound on my legs to check for blot clots. Along with remeasuring my heart and doing a Stress Test.

No trace or sign of blood clots showed on the ultra sound on my legs, but at this point who actually knows? The stress test sucked in all honesty, getting on a treadmill having the speed & incline increase every three minuets was pure hell. I stayed on as long as I could (fourth level) and then finally when I couldn’t breathe anymore I had to get off. From that test they found no signs of anything structurally wrong with my heart.

I have a couple more appointments but after that I’m done & haven’t scheduled anymore. I really can’t afford any more time or money into it. Obviously something is wrong but at this point I just don’t think we are going to find any more answers from doctors.

I don’t know if I would necessarily say that I am getting better more that my body is just adjusting to it’s new situation.

I’m hoping that I just slowly adjust & at this point just get better on my own. Some days I feel better than others, on those days Shane & I have started walk around Sugar House Park. The hills completely kill me & I’m very slow but I’m just grateful to be out.

On other days we are entertaining ourselves by making campfires, planning future adventures together & creating new meals to eat.

So many people have reached out to me these past two months, all with sincere concern and thoughtful words of encouragement. I just want to say that every single person has a special place in my heart.

Shane & I both have some much gratitude for the people who are in our lives & that care so much about us.

Thank you ♥

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Finding Gratitude

Imagine that feeling of when someone sneaks up behind you & knocks the back of your knees, causing you to collapse.There’s that sudden drop in your body & you have quickly catch yourself.

That’s my analogy on how I feel when I pass out. Instead of a drop from my legs it’s a drop from my head.

Instead of catching myself, my entire body collapses into a huge pile of useless muscle. Without a warning my head drops & I have no control on where I land.

I’m never sure how long I’m unconscious for, I can usually hear people scrambling to come & find me.

Sometimes when I pass out I have just enough time to alert my husband, a friend or a co-worker before I drop.

It’s a terrifying feeling of no control when you slip into complete darkness & you wake up to people surrounding you.

You can literally feel their concerns & their worries, which usually puts me into some sort of emotional wreck of embarrassment.

At the beginning of June I was walking across my living room when all of a sudden the ground was coming towards my face. I came to consciousness to see my husband looking down at me a little confused. I tried to laugh it off with him, recalling on how I had passed out a lot when I was younger, even having a few seizures. It wasn’t until the next day at work, my body was still tense & my headache from yesterdays fall hadn’t gone away. Then without warning my head dropped & smacked my desk alerting my surrounding co-workers. Needless to say I went home.

In the course of the month of June I had a total of ten blackouts. With countless hours at the doctors, being hooked to multiple machines, monitors, several blood draws, IVs, CT Scans, there doesn’t seem to be a clear answer or a simple fix. Results seem to lead to my heart, where they found the right side of my heart enlarged, an irregular heartbeat & a prolapsed valve. We are patiently waiting, as there are more doctor appointments to go to and more tests to be taken. Answers just seem to be unknown.

I find myself going through phases of frustration, grief & just plainly feeling sorry for myself.

When I was put on a 24-hour heart monitor I looked like I had a bomb taped to my chest, with all the wires coming out of me I just stood in my bathroom & cried.

My patience seems to be is tested everyday when I can’t seem to do the laundry, wash dishes or even make the bed.

When summer is the time to be outside & to enjoy the sun but all I can do is sit in the shade because my body easily over-heats. Mad because if I’m too cold my body seems to shut down & I have no control over it. Frustrated because I have to regulate how much I eat because eating too much sends me almost into a literal coma. I just keep finding more and more things I can’t do because of pure exhaustion.

 If I had the energy scream I think I would, I can feel my body screaming inside of me out of frustration.

With every blackout my body seems to get worse and worse.

It’s been over a month.

I’ve gone through stages of complete dizziness & exhaustion to not being able to breathe, extreme headaches to the worst back pain I’ve ever experienced.

I’ve been advised not to drive since I don’t have any sign of when I could pass out.

I just want to go back to practicing yoga without the lightheaded feelings or  to go on a long run to clear my head. But I physically can’t. It’s a constant battle of disappointment in my brain when I have every desire to have my body function but it won’t.

When people ask me how I’m doing all I can really say is fine. I don’t want other people to worry & I don’t want to worry myself. I try to stay positive by finding quotes to read.

You are braver than you believe & stronger than you think

If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you

Inhale the future, exhale the past

Broken crayons still color

This too shall pass

 As many frustrations that I have had the same amount in gratitude over-whelms me.

I feel so blessed by my sweet husband who does everything he possibly can to get my mind off the exhaustion & who has simply holds me when the frustration turns to sadness.

My parents, who listen to hours of venting, making doctors’ appointments & check up on me constantly throughout the day.

Sincere appreciation goes to my manager who is so understanding of my situation, especially when I have leave early to sudden doctor appointments.

Also to my co-workers who are also my friends, who are kind, supportive, & help me throughout the day.

My friends who have called me & gone out of their way to make things easier for me, I feel so lucky to have such amazing people in my life.

I’m extremely grateful for the amount of time doctors have put in to see me & how I know they are trying their best to find out what’s wrong.

I find myself overly thankful for the moments that I’m feeling slightly better.

One of those moments happened to be my 23rd birthday. Where I was doing well enough to go on the jet-ski that my husband surprised me with. 

Other times I have been good enough to attend friends’ weddings, my little brother’s graduation & a camping trip with my husband.

I feel all the prayers from my family & my friends who are  and have been watching me this past month.

Even though as of right now everything feels plateaued, through all the love, faith & encouragement, I feel stronger.

 I love all of you.

//

Alice: How long is forever?

White Rabbit: Sometimes, just one second.

//

6/19/15

6/19/15

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